Should I Stay Or Should I Go

Fourteen months away and here I am. I’m back in my hometown, staying at my parents’ house. I haven’t lived here in over two years, which isn’t very long, but it is long enough for it to feel very strange to be back. Sometimes it feels as if I’ve never left this place, as if it was all a dream.

So much has changed within me, but everything here seems basically the same. The time would have gone by regardless, but I did so much more with it than I ever would have by staying here.

So, now that I’m here, the big question is, should I stay or should I go?

I don’t think the answer will surprise you. I’m not staying.

Four days in, I found out I got the job that I was hoping for out west. Readjusting, recuperating, and then planning my next move all happened at the same time. I had just gotten home but it was time to plan to leave: another form of limbo.

I’m happy to say, I know I’m making the right choice in leaving. I’m spending my time at home seeing friends and family, and I’ll be ready to start work after two more weeks of saying my hellos and goodbyes. I know that, regardless of what happens, I will be happy knowing that I tried this. I will have taken another chance.

For a few days after I found out I got the job, I was feeling very sentimental and close to home. I was starting to consider staying. I didn’t want to leave again already. But hardly a week later, I knew that I was making the right decision by deciding to leave. This is my home because I grew up here and because my people are here, but this isn’t my home in a sense that it feels like it’s the place I’m meant to be. Maybe someday it will feel that way, but not right now.

I’m sure this happens to lots of people when they return home after being away for awhile. You get back and you wonder, what’s next? Do I stay? But I think for a lot of us, the answer is no.

We’ve experienced other places and other parts of ourselves that live outside of our hometowns, the places we grew up. So, while it is nice to be home to see the people and places we missed dearly, we can’t get too comfortable and miss out on all the other places we want to see and live.

If I decided to stay, I think in just a short time I would be ready to leave again, probably to go somewhere further than where I’m headed. So instead, I’ll take this current opportunity.

I was afraid of coming back (Why I’m Afraid To Go Home) but now it’s not an issue. I’m on a new path, and it’s exactly what I was hoping for. It’s scary too, in a different way, but I like to challenge myself by confronting, and hopefully conquering, my fears.

Every situation is different, but if you’re offered an opportunity that frightens but also excited you, GO. You can always come back 🙂

4 thoughts on “Should I Stay Or Should I Go

  1. You rock and I’m so proud of you. Keep living life!! I can’t wait to see you the next time you come through Baltimore

  2. congratulations on the job my dear. I can’t wait to hear from you soon. You look different, more beautiful, older in a good way, more aware and confident and strong.
    Patatino will come visit you out west I guess!
    Love you
    x

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